Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize
