I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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