Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
