I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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