can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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