I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
