I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
