oh god the rape fog is back!
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
