she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
