I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
