I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
