Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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