apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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