My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
