I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
