My liver just broke up with me...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
