dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
