Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
