The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
