you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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