I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
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