If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
