Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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