well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
