im about as happy as oj after his trial
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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