So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
