Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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