I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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