she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You need Xanax blowdarts
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
