I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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