My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
