1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
