Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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