Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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