And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
