you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
