just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
