I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
