duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
