My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
