it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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