I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
