I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
