I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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