Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
