So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
