Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
