he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
