i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
