Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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