he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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