do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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